2025-01-04 || 13:50

For the year's first post, i'm doing something new. i was feeling a bit down earlier today, so i decided to sit down and reflect a bit on why i feel this way and what can i do to improve my mood. What follows is what i concluded. If you're not feeling that great, i hope this helps you as it has helped me uwu.

It's clear to me that my grandma doesn't have much more time in this earth. She had a very important role raising me, and to say i'm going to miss her is an understatement. In fact, i am certain part of this sadness i have been feeling has to do with that. But it is inevitable. She's using all of her strength just to survive through the day, and it really pains me to see her in this state. But i have to be ready. One day she will be gone, and so will all of us, eventually. But i need to live on. I owe her that. And to truly live on and cherish her memory, i need to work on myself and on improving my own state of mind.

Last year was a very important one in many regards. i got a job, moved out, and started living on my own. But not everything was so great. i had essentially no daily routine, everything i did was a spur of the moment thing, my own personal hygiene has been very lacking, and overall i was really doubting my own capacity to live a life of my own. All of that needs to change if i want to live a better life. My brain cries out, wanting for someone to take control of my life, to steer it in the right direction and keep it that way, but that's not how any of it works. The only person who can do this is me. This desperation of mine to rely on someone, on an "it's going to be ok" is inherently unhealthy, there is no guarantee that this someone exists or will be there. So i need to be that someone. i need to trust in myself, in my capacity to change. Coming up with a daily routine, taking better care of myself, even making my own bed, are the first steps at this. It may take long, but i need to learn to rely on myself, and that i am a capable cat.

i must be conscious of my own responsibilities.
Being happy is my responsibility mostly.
i must work hard to reach results that will bring me happiness.
With time, everything passes by.
When under pressure, i must act with enthusiasm, harmony, and impose my own peace.
With this in mind, i must face my life's problems without losing my emotional balance. The bad moments are just the absence of good. They'll pass by, like everything else, and i can help that along by working on improving whatever it is that needs to be improved. In the end, i must trust time's answers.